What will change after the baby comes:

1. You will begin to speak about yourself in third person. I.e.  “Mommy is going to put you in a pair of jeggings now. Are you on board or do you think the trend is on its way out?”

2. You will begin to refer to your hubby in third person and you and your hubby will have conversations with one another via the baby. I.e. “Daddy said he was going to take the trash out but he hasn’t done it yet. No he hasn’t! No he hasn’t!”

3. You will talk about poop and pee all of the time. Its color, consistency and quantity will be major topics of conversation.

4. If you go to the pediatrician and say, hypothetically, that the nurse puts a thermometer up your baby’s butt and your baby poops all over the table and then on your pant leg and shoe — you and your spouse will not be disgusted as you might have once been, but instead, you will rejoice. Hooray! She pooped for the first time! She’s eating!

To be continued….

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